Right where I need to be

I feel like I'm playing "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego", with myself. I can't even keep up anymore. I've moved yet again and the fact that it didn't even faze me, or affect me is what worries me. I grew up in one house, in my recollected memory, at least. I dreamed everyday of moving. I thought it was boring to stay in the same spot, same school and see the same people day in and day out. I wanted to be a gypsy, travel and move whenever I felt the need. Having moved 15 times in the last 14 years, my opinion has somewhat changed.  I actually have to THINK to  remember where I was living at a certain point in time. I recall the date of milestones in our lives by which house we were living in. The crappy part is, in all this moving I've never gone anywhere worth talking about. I've never lived in Scotland, or taught English in some tropical third world country, like I always dreamed.  My only trip out of Canada was to shop at Target at midnight and grab a hamburger at White Castle in Michigan.The ironic part is, I'm now living right next door to where I grew up. I spent my whole life wishing I was anywhere else and now I've ended up right back where I started, and it seems like the best place in the whole world I could ever be. I find it amazing that every morning, I see the same sun come over the same hills that it did when I was 4. I look out the window and see my Gramma's field where my favorite old horse is buried. I see the same barn we used to sit up in the loft and eat candy from the same old corner store.  This past weekend, my daughter had a friend over and they took our snowmobile over to Gramma's field, the same way we used to. I watched out the window as kid after kid came running down the road to the field and jumped in the skimmer being pulled behind the sled. The day started with 2 kids and ended with 10, just the way it was when we were kids. I'm finding I say that a lot lately... "just like when we were kids" I've been feeling old and dreading birthdays and just feeling like life is passing me by and I haven't been anywhere or done anything significant. I've been in an actual, anxiety-filled panic over it for the last few years. Since I've moved here, I feel at ease. Like I don't need to be doing anything or be anywhere. Who knew that all those years I needed to leave, I was actually, exactly where I needed to be and that maybe 32 isn't so old after all?

The view from my deck..
The yard and barn from my home as a kid and in the distance is my Gramma's.