Skating on Thin Ice

I somehow was persuade to take two little girls skating tomorrow.  I have no idea how they managed to do it.   I'm pretty sure I wasn't drunk. They asked so sweetly I just couldn't refuse... if there is no post tomorrow, it's because I have broken my neck, or my wrists or my ass or something. I can't skate to save my life. I couldn't skate to save my kids life! I now have to try and skate while helping a 2 and a 4 year old as well. Oh my god, I can feel my bones snapping already.

Cow Patty

Look at that face! You would never guess she has a filthy addiction that she tries to hide. I hate to rat her out...  Lilo is addicted to cow patties. My dogs have a kennel. It's by the front door. Every time I let Lilo in from outside she races to her kennel. I assume... she's excited... she loves her bed.... she's a big dork. Whatever the reason, I never gave it much thought. I noticed about a week ago that she had started to chew her bed a bit. By Friday, it was chewed ALOT, and all the pieces were spread out so that the entire floor of the kennel was covered. There was a really rank smell coming from it. I decided the bed had seen its last day and pulled it out to throw it away. Underneath it was the most unbelievable site of my life. The entire bottom of the kennel was lined with cow patty chunks, that must have been snuck in in her mouth, frozen, and have since thawed out. She had been chewing her bed up to hide and bury her treasure, till she could go in there and snack in peace. I have no idea how long she has been hoarding cow shit, but there was quite a pile in there. I drug the kennel to the front door and heaved it, and the cow shit outside. She ran around trying to dig it all underneath her,  frantically gathering it up. We now have nightly kennel checks to make sure there is no further smuggling issues.

Cheese-Baby

Luckily for me, Toby got money for Christmas from my Meemaw and Poppa. She finally had enough money to buy the one thing her heart has been longing for.... 

A hamster.

(yes I know, she has no shirt on and her hair isn't brushed, give me a break)

So, she has her hamster, she loves it to pieces, she feeds and waters it a million times a day, kisses it, has hours-long conversations  with it. Until... you guessed it! the disgusting rodent took a chomp at her. I heard a blood curdling scream from the basement. I looked at B.D. and said "how much you wanna bet Cheese-Baby  just bit her?"  Seconds later, Shooter carried the attack victim upstairs. She was too upset to walk. "I HATE Cheese-Baby!! WAAAAAAA-AHHHHHHHHH!! Feed it to the DO-OG!! It went on for at least 20 minutes. We managed to suppress the bleeding and get it cleaned out. Minutes later, she was back in love. Since then, it's bit every kid that stuck it's fingers anywhere near it. Really, who in their right mind went about catching these vicious little creatures, putting them in space-age little cages and selling them for a small fortune? Have you ever seen the teeth these things are sporting?

They are like a miniature grizzly bear! Worse probably if you put them in proportion to each other!

Today was cage cleaning day. There is no way in hell I am getting any where near those fangs. I picked him up with the salad tongs and quickly stuck him in his travel case before Toby seen me or she would be using every utensil I own to to torture the poor thing.

Happy New Year!

Truckin'

I grew up a loggers daughter, and now despite my best efforts, I am a loggers wife. It's a feast or famine industry. Either its logging season, he's working as many hours as can legally be fit into a day/week, we never see him, and we have money or it's break up and we're dirt poor and he's home 24 hours a day, wishing he was at work. Right now, it's full swing logging season and the only way I get to spend any amount of time with him is to go to work. Yesterday, me and Toby went for a ride. We had to get up at the crack of 6 am... (it's the Christmas holidays, the're only hauling one load a day, so he gets to sleep in from his usual 2am start time)

She slept or stared blankly the whole way to the block.

If you think the ride in on the goat trail seems bad, try it on the way out! The heavily loaded trailer pulls and pushes your truck around as your trying to navigate the bumpy, skinny little road that winds it's way around gullies, and over over one lane bridges, barely wide enough for your truck.

Smoke Break. I should ride with him everyday, he doesn't smoke while we're in the truck with him, so he only had three that whole day!

Back onto the main road, its snowing and blowing so hard, you can't seen the other trucks coming until they are really close...

...and you're not sure if theres room enough for both trucks on the road. I really don't know how he does this for a living, every day, without us there to entertain him.

Happy Holidays!!

Wow what a week! This is the first time in days I didn't have a million things to do, a houseful of people, or somewhere to be! We had the best Christmas ever!

 My tree went from this.....

To this....

And my husband went from this....

to this.......

after quite a bit of this....

It just wouldn't be Christmas if someone didn't get drunk, shave a stupid mustache and blow up the Christmas tree! I'm just glad they drug it outside before they lit the match.

Too Busy!!

 I had big plans a few weeks ago of getting my Christmas baking all done and freezing it, so I could just spend the Christmas holidays doing what ever fun things came up. We ate every crumb  within 24 hours. So here I am, three days before my family comes, preparing for a Griswold family Christmas. We are going to have a houseful for a few days, so I am washing ALL the bedding, remaking beds (and making kids sleep on the couch) cleaning bedrooms, cupboards, the fridge, the freezer, and making cookies and candy, and last minute present and grocery shopping. I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, doing so many things at once, that today I made 85 spicy molasses cookies before I realized I forgot the baking soda. They're perfect for some Christmas day skeet shooting. I don't recommend eating them, the dentist is closed for the holidays.