Saturday, December 19, 2009

Concert Season

It's the time of year for Christmas concerts. It's all I see when I go on facebook. People gushing about their kids doing such a good job, and their so proud of them. Umm, is there a different kid of Christmas concert that my kids school doesn't know about? Am I having hallucinations of awful Christmas carols, with even awfuller singing? I can't help but wonder if I'm missing a genetic component vital to the enjoyment of Christmas concerts. They really are the most tortuous events I've ever had to to endure. 500 people crammed into a gym. Not enough chairs, of course, so the walls are lined with people 10 deep, with all the tallest ones in front. So I move up to the front, but still against the wall, where the only body part I get to see of my kid is his left shoulder, but I'm pretty sure he is "pulling a Britney" as he puts it, and lip syncing. The cool kids DON'T sing at christmas concerts you know.  Don't get me wrong, my kids sing all the time. I love hearing them sing.  I really do enjoy, and encourage it. But at Christmas concerts, the only kids you can hear are the tone deaf ones, completely butchering an already horrible song. During which, they are also  picking their butt, or nose, or adjusting some other such body part.  And then there are the siblings of these kids who have no interest whatsoever in watching the concert. It's much more entertaining to roll around the floor, kick the seats, rip their socks off and throw them at unsuspecting audience members, and demand to be taken home RIGHT NOW!! With the mother trying all the while to convince the little jerk that they need to watch! they'll like it! and to be good or Santa won't come! and if they continue the behavior, she's just going to ignore him! "Umm... well.... pardon me ma'am, but I can't seem to ignore the little asshole, so do you mind if I spank him for you?"  I know I don't have the best behaved little girl but I try to save the please-be-nice-lessons for the video, hardware, or outdoor supply store, where it's not interrupting 500 people that I am pretty sure, are just as thrilled as me that it's once again Christmas Concert Season..... yip-ee.

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