Crime & Punishment

Do you ever have one of those days? Seriously, I want to know. Lately it seems that everyday is one of those days. It doesn't matter what I do, distaster always strikes. My house has all the characteristics of  a mental institute. There is chaos and noise from sunup to sundown. Strange noises, resembling moose calls, temper tantrums, and fights. I clean non-stop. I serve more food than Mc Donalds, and laundry seems to breed and multiply at a faster rate than rats. On the dreaded occaision of needing to go to the grocery store, I endure dirty looks, tsk-ing, and sometimes outright comments to my face about the behaviour of my youngest child. to which I always smile sweetly, and reply, "Why thank you for the advice..." (to which they smile) "you nosy old bat! Now mind your business and shop!" (To which their smile melts into confusion) Because as much as my kids drive me up the wall and around the bend, NO ONE is allowed to discipline them or talk bad about them except me. Now maybe you think I don't do that great of a job, because she behaves so badly, but I am on that kid about everything rotten she does all day long, but its almost as if the punishment is a trivial matter compared to the excitement of scribbling on the walls with jiffy marker, or flooding the bathroom, or knocking every reachable bottle of shampoo off the display in a matter of seconds. She does the crime and WILLINGLY does the time. Its unreal to me! I was mortified if I got in trouble as a kid. All my mom had to say was "oh, don't that or the man will come" We never met this "man", he never, ever, once in my life came and gave us trouble for anything, yet we were scared shitless of him. I say that to Toby and she says " Where? What man? MO-OM! What man? Who is him? Mom what man? I kick him ass!" and will not stop until I point out a man to her. She then tells me that she is not scared of him and he is "pu-pid"  The outright audacity of this child is enough to send ME to the funny farm! By the time she goes to bed at night, I sit comatose on the couch in the dead quiet. I am unable to do anything but nothing. My brain is mush. You would think I would be exhausted and go right to sleep, but instead I suffer from insomnia. I am awake til sometimes 3 in the morning, and then back up at 8 with Toby. I think I subconciously avoid going to sleep because I know what tomorow has in store for me. And just when you think her head is going to spin around and she's going to start vomiting pea soup, she hugs me, says "I love you Mommy" and smiles sweetly, and I forget everything evil she did that day.