Friday, December 11, 2009

Devil Rockets

I am sorry I was unable to post last night, I know you must have all missed me terribly, but my hands were a flaming inferno and typing was excruciating. But this morning, I am miraculously all better, and can grace you with my stories. lol. Anyways, I am forever scouring the internet for new and exciting things to cook. I love to hear "Wow, mom this is so good!" So I came across these wonderful little jalapeno poppers that I had to try out. I bought some peppers, cream cheese and bacon, and got to work. I had heard jalapenos could make your hands burn a little, but there was only 10 so I chanced it. I sliced them all in half, and suddenly I was having trouble breathing properly, I was almost weezing, then the coughing fit started and sneezing all at the same time. I left the kitchen so as not to get snot or cough germs on my little peppers. It felt like I had been maced! And, yes, I have had the misfortune of being maced, so I know exactly what it feels like! I went back in the kitchen, it started again, so I opened all the doors and windows, and plowed through. After slicing all of them in half, I seeded (deseeded?) all of them with a spoon, filled them with cream cheese, wrapped them in bacon, and put them in the oven, and washed my hands for the 10th time with soap since starting them. My finger tips felt a little warm but it was minor. I went about cooking the rest of dinner. Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, and baked chicken. Over the course of about an hour, I could feel the warmth spreading the the rest of my hand, and it was getting hotter, and hotter, and hotter, AND HOTTER!! OMG!The burning heat was horrid, and agonizing and was not relenting! I plunged my hands in ice water and got the kids to look up how to stop the madness! There were many remedies that people said worked for them, but unfortunatly for me they are all LIARS! I tried vinegar, bleach, clearasil wipes, nail polish remover, baking soda, hand cream (5 kinds), laundry soap, floor cleaner, Orange TKO (which seemed to provide releif for a minute so I reapplied several times) I tried every thing under the sun, a few times over, and nothing worked for more than a minute. So I sat on the couch all night with my hands in ice water, and if I took them out for even a minute, the burning would come back. Now, I am not a wimp, I have broke bones, been bucked off horses, wiped out dirtbikes, cut my finger almost off! But nothing compared to this! (OK well child birth is out of this world worse than this, but there was no end result of a baby from the peppers) I couldn't even enjoy the delicious meal I cooked because I could only take my hands out of the water for 30 seconds at a time!
Here are the wicked little things that caused so much agony. I have seen them called Jalapeno Poppers, and Texas Rockets but we now call them Devil Rockets because they are the most evil little things I have ever laid eyes on and only the devil would invent such a thing. Not only did they set my skin ablaze for hours on end and make me cry, but I ate every damn one of the cream cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped, ass-widening things. And today, I think I need somemore. Of course, after I buy a contamination suit.

*Blinding pain, oops I mean recipe, courtesy of

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