Friday, December 11, 2009

False Advertising

This past weekend was Fathers Day, for those of you that live in a cave and had no idea of the party going on in the rest of the world. But, if you lived in a cave, you most likely dont have internet, and no idea of Betty Crockett either. Poor people. Anyways, Big Daddy hinted for months that he wanted golf clubs oh so bad for Fathers Day. I guess he wasn't happy with my garage sale find of a junior set of clubs for $5 last summer. (All I asked for, for mothers day was to go hunting for 2 days, without Toby, and he wants an expensive set of golf clubs. go figure.) As funny as it was to watch a giant of a man use kids golf clubs, I set out to the Big City (because I live in a village) to find him some golf clubs that he could afford for me to buy. (that is a "perk" of stay at home housewife, you pick it out and they pay for it.) I did some research online (to, ironicaly, save time) of all the stores in the Big City, and their golf sets and where the cheapest place to go would be. We get into the city, and head to our first and hopefully only destination. I go to the golf clubs, hmm, the set for $119 are no where to be found. I search for anyone with the blue vest to help me, and eventually find some kid hanging out in the back that looks like he skipped out of grade 8 to come to work today. "Ya, dude, we didn't even, like, get them in" he says as he laughs at my question about the $119 set. "But these ones over here maybe work just as good. " Ya smarty pants I'm sure they do for double the price. We leave and head to the next store on the list. The sky is looking scary as we head inside. I again head straight for the clubs with my string of children in tow. I always feel like a mother hen with all the little chicks in a row behind me. Huh, what do you know, no cheap clubs to be found here either, just a large assortment of $300 and over. I didn't even find some punk to call me dude again, I just left. We got outside jsut as the thunder clapped, lightning struck and the rain began to fall like a monsoon had struck. As we were going to the next store I had in mind, I got side tracked with a certain grocery store that had, in the past, had golf sets. We ran to the door throught the storm and flooding parking lot. I hate rain with a passion, have I ever mentioned that? My straightened hair was starting to curl at this point and I was fast getting irritated with the false advertising. I was holding Toby's hand and went straight up the aisle that borders the sports and toys and summer ailes. I went to the end, turned right, made the next left down the next aisle that borders the same section, at the end I turned to say to the other two that they must not have got them in this year, and there was no chicks in sight. Just then the power flicked off for a split second because of the storm raging outside. I began to look frantically, running up and down ailes with Toby flailing along behind me, like our boat on the way home from camping. the power is flickering, I start calling their names, because I imagine the store going pitch black and panic striking and my kids being stampeded in the process. (I am later told by Big Daddy that emergency generators come on to avoid such a catastrpohe) I find the delinquents hoofin it back from the milk section, becasue they too are panicking about the lights going out. Apparently I took a right and they took a left. Not sure why, maybe they need glasses? We run outside to the car, and head to the next place. I swear, all of these places advertise golf sets for $119. I think its a ploy to get you in the store to con you into buying the more expensive ones. This place didn't have anything under $400. Oh my god its getting worse. I see socks and underwear in store for this Fathers day. I go to the last place on earth that I could possibly buy clubs at in this town. I ask the man, yes a man, if they have any golf clubs for CHEAP. he says he has a whole set for $99.  I am so excited! He brings out a lovely set in a shade of baby blue. Aside from the odd color, they seem really short. I said. He is a big man, do you think these will fit him? He laughs and says "oh, I thought they were for you, these are womens!" Of course they are, that is why they are cheap. I dread what he is going to tell me next, but he points up to a set on the display, and says those are the last cheap set I have for men, they are the display model so I will give you a deal. I am scared to ask. $120 he says. Sold I say, get them down right now. He takes them down, but can't find the driver. I paid attention enough to Big Daddy to know, it needs a monstrous club called a driver, some metal shiny ones and a putter. The man goes to a display and gives me a driver off there and says "I'll replace it with this one, its better"  and quickly puts the fancy socks on so no one else notices. I couldn't get out of the store fast enough. Have you ever seen the Ikea commercial with the woman running out with her purchases, yelling, "start the car, start the car!!" Because it was so cheap, she thinks they made a mistake and are going to catch her?" Ya, that was me! I was so excited for the deal I got that it didn't matter my hair was frizzing to oblivion. When I walked in with clubs, I was going to be invisible to Big Daddy anyways. They were going to be all he talked about and did anything with for days. A wife is no match for new, shiny golf clubs.

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