Friday, December 11, 2009

Cookie Monster

Yesterday, I made a few dozen of the best cookies in the world. Butterscotch Chip and Macadamia Nut. We love them. I put about two dozen of them on a plate and wrapped them in plastic wrap, and put them on top of my breadmaker, which is on the kitchen counter. Toby and I were home alone all day, except for lunch time because Shooter and Ellie-May come home for lunch. The cookies were dissapearing at a rapid rate, so I assumed that the kids filled their pockets before heading back to school, and that Toby was scaling the cupboard and eating cookies all day long, but I never actually caught her with a cookie. I kept saying "Stop eating all the cookies Toby, Daddy will want some." She always gave me a puzzled look, but said ok and went back to what she was doing. By this morning there was only 2 cookies left on the plate. I went in the kitchen to get a cup a coffee and here is the DOG on the counter carefully, and very slowly, pulling a cookie out of the plastic wrap with just her front teeth and her lips curled up. She must have JUMPED on to the cupboard! She turns around just  as slow, muscles tense - the dog is actually SNEAKING - and just about jumps out of her skin when she sees me! She jumps down and makes a run for it, and I chase her to her secret hideout, under my antique, clawfoot wardrobe. I grab the blanket she drug under there and pull her out and the entire thing is covered in crumbs and macadamia nuts. (Obviously those are not her nut of choice.) She looks up at me with a "What Cookie?" look on her face, similar to this:

This reminds me of a story from the X-Files (when I was married to Shooter and Ellie-May's dad). I had made about 5 dozen chocolate chip, oatmeal, raisin cookies and they were all in a tupperware container on the counter. My mom came over, had tea and cookies, and then me and the kids went home with her. We stayed at her house while she ran to town, and went home about 2 hours later. I came home to all of the doors open on my entertainment stand, my camera bag open on the couch, with the lenses strewn everywhere. I look for the phone to call my mom. I found the phone half way out my driveway on the lawn, and my plant mister (which does resemble a bong) a few feet from that. I am confused. I call and ask her if she stopped at my house on her way to town to look for something. She says no, Maybe it was X-Man, so I keep her on the phone as I look through the house. I come to the kitchen, every cupboard door is open, the new 4 litre jug of milk is out and empty, the tupperware container of 5 dozen cookies is open and EMPTY! "That jerk came home and ate all the cookies and drank all the milk!" I exclaim, and instantly my mom yells back "THE FAT ONE WAS EATING YOUR COOKIES!" She quickly tells me of how, on her way to town she seen this group of teenage boys hitchhiking right near my driveway. She thought she recognizedthem as friends of my sisters so she stopped and picked them up. Once they were in, she realized they weren't. She got nervous, but they looked young so she drove them to town, and told them how to leave town heading north. (they had said they were going back to Whitehorse from Vancouver) She remembered seeing the fat kid sitting in the backseat eating big, homemade cookies and wondering where he would have got it from. But then forgot about it until I said all my cookies where gone. Because my phone had been found out in the driveway, and they told her they were from Whitehorse, I was worried that maybe they had run up a big phone bill or something, so I phoned the police to report it so it was on record, and maybe I wouldn't be liable for the charges if there were any. The police man asked to come out to interview and see if mom could pick them out of a mugshot book.  He came, and sure enough, mom picked all of them out of the photo lineups. We made it clear that we did not want to press charges, and it was only about the possible phone bill. The cop said they would pick them up and maybe it would scare them out of such behavior in the future (although they must have been in trouble previously to all have mugshots) At the end of the interview the cop pulls out a final mugshot.... of a cookie monster doll, and says, "see, we have a sense of humor too!"

From now on, the cookies are being locked in the vault

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